His Love Makes it Worth it All...

Here is what I love about Jesus Christ-2000 years later, on His birthday when I am supposed to be blessing him, He is continuing to send His outpouring of love and blessing onto me. Today a phenomenal new story of redemption has occurred in my life. Another story of His unfailing love, unconditional compassion and unending grace has been written in my book of life. Today, 2000 years after entering this world in human flesh for the salvation of his people, He is still breaking chains and setting the captives free. Today He is still running passionately after His beloveds.

I have been struggling relentlessly with the call that Jesus has placed on my heart. He has called me into post abortion ministry, and of this I am sure. However, post abortion ministry is not rainbows and butterflies. It's dark and despairing. Post abortion ministry can be defined in two words: spiritual warfare. Satan has been roaming the earth since the fall of Eve, preying on women with one mission in mind: to kill, still and destroy God's plan and purpose for their lives. That is why this issue of abortion is never discussed, never mentioned and needless to say, never an acceptable conversation over dinner. Satan has so isolated it by overdosing the post abortive women with an overwhelming amount of guilt and shame. This guilt and shame has left them paralyzed by a fear of ever admitting their one “unforgivable sin” to anyone, ever! Satan is winning, you see.

One out of three women in the CHURCH, sitting on the very pew that you sit in every Sunday, has had an abortion. The woman who leads the nursery, your preacher’s wife, your hairstylist, your bank teller, your grandma. Abortion does not discriminate. It can allure the soul of any woman in desperation, fear, pain, or confusion. It goes after the Christian and non-Christian alike. After all, abortion is satan himself. He’s deceptive, deceiving even the strongest of strong. He tells her that there is no other way, that this is the only real choice she has to make. He deceives the woman to believe that this is what is best. Her life will be better in the long run. Her future can continue as before. The obstacle can be removed, quickly and easily as if nothing had ever happened. He deceives her to believe that good can come out of this. She is really doing the best thing for her child, herself, her family. She believes all this. She believes it because she’s desperate. Time is running out. She believes the evil one. He’s deceived her yet again, just like he did Eve. He made promises he never intended to keep.

Then, 15 minutes later, she walks out of the clinic. Broken. Wounded. Dead on the inside. Satan laughs in her face. He spits at her and mocks her stupidity. She’s alone, now more desperate than before. Her hopes, her dreams, her life have dissolved before her very eyes and by her very own hand. And in that moment she knows that she will forever carry this burden alone; hidden deep in the empty pit of her soul. No one can ever know what heinous crime she has committed. They would never understand. So she surrenders what is left of her integrity, worth and value over to the great deceiver.


This is abortion. This is the reality of one out of every three women that you run into daily.

This is where Jesus calls me. I was this girl at 19 years old. I was deceived in a moment of desperation. My life as I knew it ended that day. Satan won, FOR THE MOMENT. Had Christ not ran to me, I would still be dead in my sin. But, the Great Redeemer himself rescued me out of my deadness. He chose to come to me in the pits of my despair. He came because He had a plan and purpose for my life. He saw beauty among the ashes that covered me. He saw rubies and pearls amidst the mud and mire that I sat in.

But, He saved me for a purpose. He came to me with a plan. He revealed to me the isolation satan has brought upon the post abortive woman. He’s called me to bring the darkness to light. If I don’t, who will? How could I not tell the world what He has done for me? How can I keep it a secret any longer? That’s of satan, not of Jesus. Jesus is TRUTH. Jesus is LIFE. Nothing stays hidden in darkness when the light of Christ is so readily available.

So here is where my struggle ends. After wrestling as Jacob did with the Lord himself, God finally spoke louder than my mindless thoughts. I have been asked to give my testimony at church. My mother, being the great protector she is God bless her, was a little concerned that I should first tell family members who did not know of my past before sharing with the world publicly. Mom warned me that people may judge me and be harsh. She warned me that some may not understand. But wasn’t Jesus the most misunderstood person to ever walk this earth? Wasn’t he hated, despised and rejected? Wasn’t He hung on a cross because of his testimony? How could I not share in Christ’s suffering? He saved me for that very purpose. If I could set one woman free with the amazing grace and truth of the gospel, than I would consider it worth every loss. I assured her of all of this, yet deep inside I was beginning to experience a little uncertainty myself. I prayed and asked the Holy Spirit for guidance.

This morning, on Jesus birthday, my mom revealed to my grandmother my “past”. AND THE HOLY SPIRIT BEGAN TO MOVE! Because of my testimony, my grandmother revealed a family secret of her own. My mother’s aunt (my grandmothers sister), who had died at a young age having battled mental illness and alcoholism, had experienced an abortion before abortion was even legal. Upon having the abortion, my great aunt fell into extreme depression, and alcohol became her only escape. Satan kept her isolated, bound to the secret of her “unforgiveable sin”. Abortion, the great deception of the evil one, caused my aunt to forfeit the amazing purpose and plan my God had for her life. She hid her secret deep in her heart and let the guilt and shame wrap its tight rope around her neck and she jumped. She surrendered to the evil one. She remained alone and isolated in the darkness of her transgressions.

What if one person had told her that abortion was no greater sin than any other? What if one person had revealed their testimony of God’s amazing grace even in the midst of abortion? What if one other woman had reached out and told my great aunt that she was not alone? I believe that to this day she would still be alive. I believe she would be filled with joy, peace and love. Satan would have lost. Chains would have been broken. Her life would have been healed and delivered.

The Holy Spirit has convicted me enough through all of this that I now am certain of my purpose. Though I try to run from it, His love always calls me back to it. What I intended for evil, He so longs to turn to good. I have to simply be willing; willing to let my guard down, to stand up against the opposition of the evil one, to risk condemnation and judgment. I have to be willing to lay everything down in surrender at His feet; my hopes, my dreams, my plans. I have to believe that His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts higher than my thoughts.


This life is not about me and my comfort. It’s about His love and His sacrifice. Jesus paid it all and all to Him I owe.

“He has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair” Isaiah 61

We were saved by grace through faith. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10.

This is our purpose; to make His name known and His Gospel famous; to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I’ve wrestled too long and hard with Him. He deserves my immediate obedience. Though satan attacks me with fear and doubt, there is one thing I now know and will forever cling to:

"All of this is for our benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that FAR OUTWEIGHS them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is ETERNAL."


HIS LOVE MAKES IT WORTH IT ALL!........