She’s got a ticket to ride and she don’t care…

When John Lennon wrote this song, I am pretty sure he had me in mind (or so I’d like to think). The Beatles have always been my favorite band. My dad introduced them to me at a young age. It was the way we bonded. He would play me their records and tell me how each song reflected a time in his life. I fell in love with everything the Beatles represented to him. In the way he listened to them, I could sense him reminiscing on his past. He would daydream about times when he was a maverick, living life free. He let creativity be his guide through life and lived every second as his own. He wore shirts that said, “Keep on keepin’ on”, listened to the Beatles with his five year old and drew cartoons of our family. That’s what I loved about our time together, that it revolved around passion and originality. I am the spitting image of my father, looks and personality. I’ve always been a free spirit, standing on my tiptoes ready to fly away at the drop of a hat. Upon entering my twenties, I’ve realized I somehow left this part of me behind. The spontaneity I once possessed turned into what if’s and anxious fears. My aesthetic aspirations were replaced with mundane routine. Passion that was once indissoluble is now eclipsed by a simple discouraging word. As I began reflecting on this gradual shift of personality, one word was placed on my heart. Fear. Recently, while talking to the Lord, I’ve asked him to show me who I am. I am finally at a point where I no longer need the world to tell me, but I wanted to know who he sincerely created me to be. His word has told me he fearfully and wonderfully made me, however I don’t feel either of those things. I’ve felt like my own personal identity cease to exist. Like I woke up one day and looked in the mirror at a complete stranger. The vibrant little girl, fearless and animated had become worn down, anxious, and…well…paralyzed by fear. God has begun to reveal to me that somewhere along life’s journey I lost sight of who I am and who I was created to be. I have allowed life circumstances to tell me that the person I am is not good enough, or even worse, is too much. I did what my father never would; I rejected my uniqueness and conformed. I have allowed fear to grow in my heart that keeps me from spreading my wings and taking risk. God’s words are true when He says he “does not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline. “ (2 Timothy 1:7. He tells me to be “strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) As these revelations of fear overpowering me have risen to surface, I’ve realized how I have missed out on so much. God in his infinite mercy has given me gifts and told me to use them. He’s presented the gospel and asked me to go out and make disciples of all nations. He has created me as a masterpiece, to do good works in his name. He has told me I may approach him with CONFIDENCE. My passion and boldness are traits the Lord has lavished upon me for his good. I want to live fearlessly knowing that nothing that lies ahead of me is bigger than my God. I want to live the life I have been given, and be the person I was made to be, God’s zealous daughter with a heart for beauty and a passion for life. I want to live courageously knowing that the “Lord is the Spirit and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, he gives freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17) He has given me freedom to make decisions and freedom to take risk. Freedom, to be who I am and freedom to live confidently. Freedom to fly, knowing that if I fall He will catch me. In the words of the Beatles “Like a humming bird I’ll fly as a bird on wings. Whatever happened to the life we once knew? Always made me feel so free.” So here I go, spreading my wings and soaring on the wind of his promises. “Free as a bird, it’s the next best thing to be.”